ADHD and our Sense of Self.

Our sense of self is developed when we know our values, strengths, our purpose, passions, skills and attributes. It is our identity and our self image and when we have a strong sense of self, an unshakeable knowing of who we are, we live in alignment with our values, morals and purpose. We can develop confidence and set healthy boundaries, take action to achieve our goals and feel fulfilled.

By the age of 12, children with ADHD have received 20,000 more negative or corrective comments than their neurotypical peers. These comments and experiences of feeling that our voices are not heard, we are misunderstood, too sensitive or ‘too much’ can form our belief systems and narratives.

For those of us with ADHD, we develop narratives and limiting beliefs , ones of shame, feeling inadequate, not smart enough or good enough. Our beliefs and narratives draw from these experiences when we are faced with what we might see as a potential threat. This could be a new job, an interview, new relationships, dating, or social settings. Our subconscious tells us that from our past experience this has only lead to a negative experience.

Our sense of self is left warped and our self image unstable. Aiming for traditional milestones instead of aligning with our own values and purpose may be a way of masking which ultimately leads to burnout.

To strengthen our sense of self we can first start to listen to our inner critic from a different perspective, when does this voice show up? What am I triggered by? Is there a pattern? Set the intention of observing these thoughts without judgement.

Reframing your story. What are the stories we are telling ourselves? I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. They won’t like me. Is this true? Or could it be that we have been misunderstood and we aren’t aware of our attributes or strengths due to our low self esteem?

I struggled in the working world from the very first job I had, it left me feeling inadequate and like a failure, which had a lasting impact on me for many years until I learned about my ADHD and began reframing…

“I am not a failure or inadequate. I was misunderstood and expected to work in the same way as everyone else. I didn’t get the chance to ask for reasonable requests and therefore was faced with trying to fit into a neurotypical way of working.”

It actually showed that despite being misunderstood again and again, I didn’t quit. Which was the beginning uncovering my values and attributes…

Our experiences of being misunderstood do not define us. We are so much more than the our experiences and we are capable of so much more than we think we are.

To help get you started on your journey of self discovery I have created a self coaching worksheet to help you identify stories, patterns and narratives, along with your values, strengths and help integrate your rejected self and practice self compassion. You can do this self paced in your own time.